I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
