hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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