If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
