I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
