i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
