MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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