If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I need a burrito and a hug.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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