Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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