HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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