he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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