Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
