Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
