I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
