There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
