didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
