16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
