there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
