Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
