sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
