You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
