He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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