if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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