4 words: hood of his car
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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