I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
