I could make wine with my vomit
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
