I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
