Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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