This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wish my penis had a tongue
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
