just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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