I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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