I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
