i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We are all done wearing pants today
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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