he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
