I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
