Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
