New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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