I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
