So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
