Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
