this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just had sex bonerless
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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