I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
