if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I smell stomach acid.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
