you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
