I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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