Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
