I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
