After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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