I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
