you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
