I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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